She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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