respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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