Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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