dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize