I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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