I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize