Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
