If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
