are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
