I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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