forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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