Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
