Your tits are I can't wait for
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
