are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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