his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I AM VODKA MAN
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
