My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
