Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
