Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
