Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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