"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
