running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
