Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
