he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize