i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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