why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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