so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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