Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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