the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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