I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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