Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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