I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
