he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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