Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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