So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
