btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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