woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
