I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
