at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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