The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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