I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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