Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
