She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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