he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
