4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do herpes really smell.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
