Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
