Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize