There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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