I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
there is puke in my bra ... again
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
