haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
