so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
