i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
