WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
