is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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