Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
