1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
