I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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