ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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