I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i now understand why vodka
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize