...so i touched it.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
