Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
