anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
