remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
