when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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