You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
