cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
