and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and i looked up. we had an audience...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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